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by Mike Durrett

Arabian Random Insult Generator
Our About Humor site once recommended a Web toy that generated curses, but we discovered its link had gone dead.

"May one too many troubled plumbers with butt-crack-itis play in a band called Barbie Dolls and the Cigarettes while thinking lustfully of your gigantic ears."

So, we went surfing for a replacement -- and, boy, did we find it.

"May a gallon of midget damn dirty apes swap spit with Toucan Sam outside your chicken ranch."

This new site, designed by Mike Newman, presents not one, but 25 fresh insults every time you reload the page.

"May 16 flaming telemarketers choke on dead crabs while laying on your hot tub."

Amazingly, this generator is stocked with so many vocabulary words and phrases, there are presently 37,988,794,601,683,200 combinations of insults possible. That's seven more than a marriage to Robert Blake!

"May two of my favorite door-to-door salesmen suck refried beans beside your expensive wazoo."

Essentially, the results are clean, although a few naughty images might appear.

"May an English quart of tanked Fidel Castros castrate sporks at a fund-raising event for your refurbished love slave."

I'm feeling lazy, so all of the insults in this synopsis, excepting the brilliant Robert Blake poke, were created and recycled from the Arabian Random Insult Generator. I hope you don't mind, but if you do ...

"May you have nightmares in which beast-like rapists holler 'Them's fight'n words!' to hockey pucks after hearing a loud *pop* coming from your blue and red tights."

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